Junk Food Wine: Arnott's Assorted Creams Pt.1

Junk Food Wine: Arnott's Assorted Creams Pt.1-Unico Zelo

The ultimate break room table filler, a smoko treat and a morning tea staple: the Value Pack of Arnott's Assorted Creams. Everyone's got a fave, we've all got the same least fave, but it's a part of Australia's snack culture. You've had this in mechanics waiting rooms, your grandmas house and honestly, when you're looking for a bit of nostalgia. While these are definitely an AM treat or a perfect afternoon tea, they're never ever paired with wine - until now. Another Unico innovation! We're gonna pair all of those awesome biccies that have been included in the value pack - and next week, we'll get to those that have been excluded, excluded over orange creams. That's a crime. We'll get to that - lets get snacking! 

Monte Carlo - Gamay


The absolute crowdpleaser, everyones favourite, it's basically impossible not to love a Monte Carlo. It's a big biscuit, the biggest of all the Assorted Creams. Plenty of buttery, flakey biscuit to enjoy, that one of a kind chewy jam casing that holds all the cream in - helluva biscuit. The only thing a pairing can do to improve it is bring out that jam casing -  the best part of the biccy - just that little bit more! And the jammiest grape of all is Gamay. Juicy, jubey Gamay, we love you so. One of our favourites is from our great mate James at Small Island Wines - everything about Gamay we love with just a little hint of peated whiskey. Delicious.

Delta Cream - Dark Ale


The Delta Cream is a biscuit that wishes it was an Oreo like Kelly Rowland wishes she was Beyonce. They should rename this biscuit the Kelly Cream. Regardless, it's pretty tasty and it's pretty much the exact same except for a bitter coffee note that really doesn't lend itself to wine - so we're bringing in our old mate beer to the party! The centigrade is really starting to dip here so we're cracking open more Dark Beers than we do in the warmer months, and they're perfectly matched for those coffee flavours in the Delta! Our great buds at Bridge Road make an epic Porter, so grab a 6-er with your next Assorted Cream pack - better yet, just get some Oreos.

Orange Cream - Orange Wine


Let's not beat around the bush, this is a TRASH biscuit. Truly terrible. It's a fake vitamin C lolly blended with cream on a sub par biscuit base to make a true abomination of Australian snack culture. I mean, what maniac signed off on this? Who tasted this and said "oh this is totally worth of the Assorted Pack of Australia's top 5 cream biscuits from Arnotts." I really would love to see the sales figures of the Orange Cream solo pack - for some reason it's a thing - because I bet they only sell about 17 every financial year. Just do us all a favour Arnotts and stop producing this thing and put Iced Vovo's in the value pack. Make it a custard cream for all I care - anything but this... Sorry huh? Oh yeah a pairing... get an orange wine that doesn't taste like arse to mask the flavour of this. The Aller Trop Loin OJ is great.

Shortbread Cream - Champagne


This biscuit is fine. Like the definition of fine. It leaves a lot to be desired but it's not offensive at all, it's just a classic cream on an average short bread. The REAL thing the biscuit has going for it is that you can take of the lid, lick the cream and then dunk the two shortbreads into a coffee! But best thing to do is Jazz up the biscuit with some fizz, and ain't no better fizz than Champagne! Make morning tea extra boujee with some Grower fizz like Agrapart - or if you're on a very normal wine budget, try Mordrelle! Some amazing sparkling wine coming from the Adelaide Hills that won't break the bank! 11am bubbles is a real mood.

Kingston - Whole Bunch Grenache


The greatest biscuit there ever was. Two ANZAC-y biscuit held together by a layer of chocolate cream - that sounds like friggin HEAVEN. This is probably the only biscuit that I would purchase outside the value pack in its own solo pack, aside from maybe a Monte Carlo. So moreish. Hard to pair with all that going on but a nice bright and crunchy Grenache with a decent hunk of whole bunch will do a great job here. Yelland and Papps make an epic one out of the Barossa from their Second Take range. Plenty of whole bunch, amazing line of tannin, but overall just so, so easy to drink - just as easy as it is to eat about 6 Kingstons. 

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